Joke: Husb/Wife phone conv.

Husband: Call Me Shonu
Wife: mera Shona Babu....
Husb: arrrrre.,,,Call Me Sweetheart
Wf: my sweetu ... Sweetheart.
Husb: ufffff ...... Call Me Honey..
Wf: Mera hannu darling ...

Husb : O pagal aurat, call kar mujhe, balance nhi hai
Wf: Oho ... ok ok... Abhi karti hu
=D=))
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Pj: 'shubhasya sheegram'

This morning i called my spiritual guru for advice. Guru said 'shubhasya sheegram'.

I heard it as 'subah se seagram' and obeyed it promptly!

Damn.... I have been lying talli all day :p
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Joke:- Intellegent Hubby

Biwi ne Husband ko call
kiya:- Kaha ho tum ??
Husband:- Tumhe
wo Jwellery shop yaad hai
jahan tume ek diamond ka
set pasand aaya tha aur tab mere pass itne paise
nahi the ki main wo tumhe
leke de sakun..
.
.
Wife :- Haan yaad hai... Husband:- Phir maine
tumse
kaha tha ki ek din main
tumhein wo
zaroor leke dunga..
.
Wife bahut khush hote hue: Haan Haan ji, mujhe
achche
se yaad hai..
.
.
.
. . Husband:- Main uski baju
wali
shop me baal katwa raha hu
thoda late aunga..

:)
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Gyan - Happy Husband

ALL Happy Husbands Behave Like Amir Khan In Ghajini -

Biwi Ki Sunte Hain,
Samajhte Hain,
Aur.
15 Minute Ke Baad Sab BhooL Jaate Hain...

:)
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Killer PJs Are Back..

1.) Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre
2.) IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain,
12 saal se CID ka Daya ek hi Qualis Chala raha hain
3.) Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera
mehmaan,
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman.
4.) Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY
ACP Pradhuymann ne kaha " aakhir chahta kya hain khooni"
5.) Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Diagram galat ho gaya, rubber de rubber
6.) Teri adao pe main waari waari..
Dial 139 for railway enquiry.
7.) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf..
The number you are trying is currently
switched off.
8.) Apne gamo ko bas dil me dabalo.
Naya godrej powder hair dye,Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo.
9.) yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK..
10.) mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano
Ramesh babu...
11.) mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan...
mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan..
LIFEBUOY hai jahan tandurusti hai
wahan...
12.) Blood donate karne se pehle
hamesha uska group janchna...
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
BASANTI in kuton ke samne mat
nachna....
13.) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole
Nandlala ...
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life
Jhingalala ..!!
14.) Romeo ne juliet se kaha ek sach..
Romeo ne juliet se kaha ek sach..
Asali masale sach sach
MDH.....MDH ...!
15.) 1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
Mutual funds are subjected to market risks
16.) Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer
Puraana ...
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ..
Didi Tera Devar Deewana ..
17.) Naach bulbul naach, tujhe paisa
milega
hum CID se hai,koi apne jagah se nahi
hilega
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Joke - CEO Choudhary

The new C.E.O. was walking in the factory, he noticed a guy leaning against the wall, looking somewhere..
He approached the man & asked him, "How much do you earn?"
Guy was amazed n said, "3000, sir."
CEO took out wallet n gave the guy 9000 n told him,
"I pay people here 2 work n not 2 waste time..
This is ur 3 month's salary n now get out of here NEVER come back.."

The CEO now looked at other workers & asked,
"Who was that guy?"
Workers replied,
"He was the pizza delivery guy sir..."

MORAL:
Zyada chaudhary bhi nhi banna chahiye.

Thanks@Ishan for sharing this one :)
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Joke - Andha Faqeer.

Wife or husband shop se nikle to ek faqeer ne kaha :..
Shehzaadi !!! 5 Rupay de de......Andha hoon... ....
Husband ne wife ki taraf dekha or bola :
"De de.....Waqai andha hai"

Thanks @ Abhay for sharing this one :)

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Naughty Signboards

📋 Signboard outside Heaven:

"Lying naked with somebody in bed and screaming Oh God...Oh God.... will not be considered as prayers"

📋 Signboard outside a Prayer Hall:

" Please Do Not Leave Your Bags, Wallets, Cell Phones Unattended.. Others Might Think Those Are The Answers To Their Prayers."

📋 Signboard outside a prostitute's house..

" Married MEN are not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy.."

📋 SignBoard outside GARAGE:

"If we can't repair your brakes we make your horns louder.."

📋 Signboard outside A Bar:

" Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance "

📋 Signboard outside Driving School:

" If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way....."

📋 Signboard outside Library:

"Statutory Warning... While reading Kamasutra, please hold the book with BOTH Hands.."

;) :) ;)

Thanks@ Aragya for sharing.

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PJ- My Best Friend

English teacher: aaj sabko My best friend par 10 line likhni hai.
Thodi der baad ek student ne uthkar pucha
Madm "Kamine" Ko English Me Kya Khte Hai,.|
:p

Thanks @ Vick for sharing :)

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Gyan - Pyar karna padta hai ya ho jata hai.

Bhakth: Baba pyar karna padta hai ya ho jata hai????

Baba: Beta agar ladki khubsurat ho aur scooty pe ho toh ho jata hai... Agar ladki badsurat ho aur Audi mai ho toh karna padta hai.
=))

Thanks @ Berry for sharing this one :)
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Joke - Chintu - Tinku (#26)

Chintu: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Tinku: Zyada kuch nahi, 2-4 ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.

:)

Thanks@LMFAO for sharing this one :)

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Joke: Mouse in Arab's Hotel room

An Arab couple went 2
London
.
.
1 day in the hotel room,
d husband heard his
wife scream 'Faar
Faar' (it is d arabic word
for Mouse)
.
.
He wanted to inform
Room Service but didnt
know English word for
Faar.
Husband: Hello Room
Service?
.
Room Service: Yes Sir,
how can I help u?
.
Husband : U know Tom
n Jerry?
.
Room Service: Yes Sir, I
know Tom n Jery
.
.
Husband : Walla Habibi,
JERRY is here!

Thanks @anushka for sharing this one :)

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Killer BBM PJ - FB pe setting

Kisiko FB pe Setting karni hai to.......
........
.........
...........
.......
........
......
...... ..
Right side pe Setting ka option hai jitni marzi kar lo... :p

Thanks @ Deeps for sharing this one :)
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Joke - Indian Husband Wife Fighting

Husband wife mein larai hoi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya,

Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kia hai"
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Mai dair se aonga, tum kha kar so jana
:D

Thanks @ Sonik for sharing :)

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Joke - Santa calls radio after finding a wallet

Santa ne FM Radio pe phone kiya aur kaha :
.
.
Mujhe Lawrence Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash, ek Credit Card aur Rahman Malik ke naam ka ID mila hai....
.
.
RJ : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain.... Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge???
.
.
Santa : Nahi... Main chahta hun ki Rahman Malik ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye. ;)
:)

Thanks@ Sandy for sharing this one :)

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Joke - Gastric problem

Old Lady to Doctor: Mujhe Gas ki
problem hai
par achhi baat ye hai ki meri gas me
na
BadBu aati hai na Awaaz
.
.
.
Aap k clinic me bhi 20 baar gas chhod
chuki
hu par kisi ko pata nahi chala.
.
Doctor: "Ye Dawa lijiye aur 1 weekbaad
aayiye".
.
.
(1 week baad)
Old Lady:"Aap ne mujhe kya dawa de
di....??
Meri gas me ab bhi aawaz nahi aa
rahi par bahut Zehrili Badbu aa rahi
hai"
.
.
Doctor:"Good..! Aapki Naak theek ho
gayi hai
Ab hum aap k KAAN ka ilaaj
karenge......
;)
:p

Thanks@Sonik for sharing this one :)

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Gyan:- BF holding GF's hand

Sum boys hold their gf's hand in malls...coz if dey leave her hand she'll start shopping...
.
.
.
.
It luks ROMANTIC bt actually its ECONOMIC.. ;)


Thanks@Deeps for sharing this :)

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SMS / BBM PJ- Save the Titanic

Now you can help people who were in Titanic many a decades ago. No time travel required. Just any smart phone will do.

Rename your phone "Titanic".

Plug it to your computer via USB cable.

Click on "Sync phone".

Phone will read "Titanic is syncing".

Cancel the process, unplug the phone and save it from "Syncing".

Titanic saved.

Feel like a hero.

Call James Cameron and tell him "whether in 2D or 3D, you can save Titanic".

Send this to people on your list, help them save "Titanic" and feel like a hero.

PS : If you can't rename your smart-phone "Titanic", you should have been on that ship.

Thanks@shan for sharing this one :)

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Joke: Santa in England

Santa goes 2 England with wife.
Dere at hotel;
Santa 2 waiter: Sir, Most respectfully I beg 2 say dat I m ill & cant come 2 school Kindly grant me Tea for 2 plzz.
Waiter is surprisd but undrstnds & brings tea
Wife: Wah ji,Twanu te fur fur Englsh Aandi aey
Santa: Halley te main Paani waastey Thirsty Crow nai sunai...
d@t

Thanks@gabru for sharing :)

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Killer PJs

Q: Why is Sunday stronger than Monday?
.
Think Think....
.
.
Its because....
.
.
.
.
.

Monday is a Weak Day....

____________ _________ _________ _______

Q: Which is the safest way to see a shark?
.
.
.
.
.
.

Ans: On Television.. ..
____________ _________ _________ _______

Q: What would Baby Corn say To Mom Corn?
.
.
.
.
Guess plz....
.
.
He'll ask:
.
"Where is Pop Corn?"
____________ _________ _________ _______

Q: What is the full form of CNBC ???
.
.
.
It means....
.
.
.
.
Cartoon Network for Business Community !!
___________ _________ _________ _______

Q) What is it that RAM can do but RAVAN cant?
.
.
.
.
.
A: Wear a T-SHIRT.
___________ _________ _________ _______

Q) What is it that RAVAN can do but RAM cant?
.
.
.
.
.
A: Group discussion when he is alone.
___________ _________ _________ _______
Q: Why did Ram Gopal Varma made 'Phoonk'?
.
.
.
.
.
ANS:
Uski Picchli 'AAG' ko bujhaane ke liye....
___________ _________ _________ _______

Q: What do u call a 800 year old Hanuman Temple ???
.
.
.
.
Guess???
.
.
.

MARUTI 800!!!
____________ _________ _________ _______
Q: Agar Bengali ka phone kat jaaye, to woh kya kahega?
.
.
.
Socho....
.
.
.
.

Kol-Kata.... .

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Unbeatable PJ- Paneer masala

Q: What is the difference between Paneer Masala and Paneer 'Tikka' Masala??
.
.
.
.


Simple!

The Latter is Vaccinated.. .!!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Gabbar PJ:- Sher ka bachha kaun.

Q: According to Gabbar, Sher Ka Bacha Kaun hai??
.
.
.
.

ANS: HOLI.
How?


Coz....

He Keeps Saying...

"Holi CUB hai,

CUB hai Holi...."
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Joke- Just Kidding.

Teacher To Santa -
Isko Hindi mei translate karo : "She is kidding"

Santa hasne laga aur table par hi gir gaya or bola :
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Itna aasan sawal :

''WOH BACHCHE DE RAHI HAI''
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Gyan - Maafi

Insaan sub se zyada Mafi kis ke samane mangta hai ??

Guess,

Guess.. guess ! ! ¡ !

Bihkari ke samne ----
"Maaf karo Baba"

Thanks@minaxi for sharing this :)

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Gyan - Succesful man

Behind every Successful man..
There is a Woman..!
.
.
.
.
Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Men..!!
:)

Thanks@minaxi for sharing :)

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Gyan- Food of India

National food of India
----
"KASAM"
....
..
.
Sab khate hain....!!!
:)

Thanks@minaxi for sharing :)
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Another Teacher Joke

TEACHER:     Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:       A teacher
_____________________
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Teacher Jokes - Part - 8

TEACHER:   George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:     Because George still had the axe in his hand.   
______________________________________
 
TEACHER:  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:      No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________
 
TEACHER:   Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE :      No, sir.  It's the same dog.
___________________________________
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Teacher Jokes - Part - 7

TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:     H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:  What are you talking about?
DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER:  Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:     Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:        Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER:    Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE:          I is..
TEACHER:    No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE:          All right.....  'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'     
______________ ___________________
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Teacher Jokes - Part 6

TEACHER:   Maria, go to the map and find North America ..
MARIA:      Here it is.
TEACHER:  Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS:        Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER:  John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:         You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:       K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:  No, that's wrong
GLENN:       Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
________________________________ ____________

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

BBM Joke - Meaningful conversation

Most meaningful
conversation btwn two intelligent men

1st Man - I am a man of few words
2nd man - After a long pause

I am married too...!
:)

Thanks@Deeps for sending this one :)

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BBM Gyan:- SEVEN FUNNIEST WORDS

1.Clearly misunderstood
2.Exact estimate
3.small crowd
4.act naturally
5.found missing
6.fully empty
7.happily married

:)

Thanks@Aragya for sharing :)

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Joke:- 2 Keralites in New York.

2 men from Kerala get onto a bus in New York. They sit down & engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next 2 them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears 1 of them say the following:

"Emma cums first.
Den I cum.
Den two asses cum together.
I cum once-a-more!
2 asses, they cum 2gether again.
I cum again and pee twice.

Then I cum one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more and shouts "You foul- mouthed sexobsessed Indian, in this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives however extraordinary they are."

"Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. "Who talkin' about sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

(I swear you're gonna read this again) :p =))

Yeah u gonna ;)


Thanks@Ram for sharing this one :)
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Joke:- Naughty Caller

A naughty caller:
.

" Hello, dominoz..?? "

..

.

"Yes sir,

How can I help u...?"

.
.
.
"Bhai Pizza ghar pe kaise banau? btaiyo jara. ;)


:D
:D
Thanks@Khushi for sharing this one..=))

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Best Punjabi Joke - Santa-Banta Boliyaan.

BANTA-TENU Aini maar KYON PYI..?

SANTA- KAL BaRAAT vich BOLI GALAT PEGI Sii..?

BANTA : KIDDAN Veere...?

SANTA : "BAARI BaRSI KHATAN GAYA C
KHAT KE LEANDI TAAR ,

BHANGRA TA SAJDA,
JE NACHE KURI DA YAAR .?

Banta-Fir ta maar paini hi Sii

Santa-Mainu ta sirf maar hi payi Veere, jehra nachiya Sii
audda parso BHOG hai.. :(

:D :D

Thanks@Koz for sharing this one :)

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Fb Joke / Gyan :- NEVER LIE TO A SMART WOMAN

Man : "Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get d promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pajamas!"
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good..
The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn't u pack my blue silk pajamas?"

You'll love the answer..!!

"I did.. They're in your fishing box!!

Thanks@Vik for sharing this :)

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Gyan/Joke:- Installing Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy..

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,........ ............... .

Reply...

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulove dme. html and try to download
Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

IT SUPPORT DESK.....
:)


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Joke:- Rajinikant's Sunglasses

Why does rajnikant wear sunglasses..?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
To protect the sun from his eyes..
:p

Thanks@harsha for sharing :)

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SMS Jokes:- More Wife Jokes

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either ur money or life... The wives want both!
====
Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to
get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.
====
No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied
with 4 things in life.
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because there is always a better model in neighborhood.
===
Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife?`
Google search result, `Good day sir, Even we are searching`.
===
Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right. It
only means that the safety of your head is much more important than
your ego!
===
Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house
for 5 years. Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!!!
===
Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling
single again.
===
A friend recently explained why he refuses to get to married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.
===
It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she
love the most; and when a man does that... the slide show begins.
===
It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers to protect
a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home --------- A Good
Maid!
===
Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen
--
--
--
--
--
--
. . . . .of them!!!
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Joke:- Punjabi Businessman

Manjeet Singh, a furniture dealer goes to Paris. Meets manufacturers and selects a new range that he thought would sell well, back home in PUNJAB . To celebrate, he decides to visit a pub. As he sat enjoying his wine, a very beautiful lady came to his table, asked him something in French which he didn't understand.
He invited her to sit down, took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After a while, he took another napkin, drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.
When they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed.

Till this day, Manjeet is trying to figure out how the hell did she know that he was in the furniture business!!
:p

Thanks@prjapati for sharing this one :)
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Gyan:- Succesful Marriage

Three magical words for successful marriage......

........"OK BUY IT....!!! " #:-s
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Joke: Punjabi Servant

Husband calls from Delhi 2 his wife in Chandigarh 📞
Servant picked d phone.
Husband: Memsab  se baat karao 
Servant: Wo to Sahab k sath kamre 🚪me hai 
Husband: Par Sahab to mai hoon 
Servant: Ab me kya karu? 
Husband: Maar de dono ko  Mai hold karta hoon 
After killing..🔪
Servant: Lasho ka kya karu? 
Husband: Ghar k piche wale swimming pool  me phek k bhaag jaa 
Servant: Par hamare ghar me to swimming pool hi nahi hai.. 😯
Husband: Oh sorry, wrong number 😋 
Phone rakh..!!

Thanks@Sandy for sharing :)

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Joke: Blonde men jokes #392 - 396

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet." 
------------------------------------

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. 
------------------------------------

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take
them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." 
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" 
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!" 
------------------------------------

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!" 
------------------------------------

A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies. 
------------------------------------
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Joke:- Blonde men joke #356

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take
them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." 

Thanks@ Ishan for sharing :)

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Jokes:- Blond Men Joke #351

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." 

Thanks@ Ishan for sharing :)

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BBM / FB Gyan:- 10 Mantras for a cool life.

10 Mantras for a cool life:

1. Money is not everything. There's also Mastercard & Visa.
2. Save water. Drink on the rocks.
3. Fruits/Salads are healthy. So leave em for sick.
4. Books are holy. So don't touch them.
5. Don't shout in the class. It disturbs those who are sleeping.
6. Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.
7. Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance.
8. Why do something today when it can be done tomorrow. By someone else.
9. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life.
10. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
:p

Thanks@Ishu for sharing this one :)


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BBM / SMS PJ:- Someone Special

Everybody wants
some1 special,

some1 Innocent,

some1 nice,

some1 C0oL,

some1 sweet,

some1 intelligent.

but yaar! why always ME, ME & ME?

Jaan lelo ab sab meri
;):p


Thanks@deeps for sharing this :)

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PJ - Rajinikanth Big Boss

"Once Rajnikant Got Angry On his friend'
& told him not 2 Show his face ever again

Today dat person is known as BIG BOSS"!

Thanks@bobby for sharing this one :)

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Killer Shayari #256-260 - Arz kiya hai

 1 Ladki ne kiya Ladke k Gaal pe Kiss..
 1 Ladki ne kiya Ladke k Gaal pe Kiss..

📨Mutual Funds are subjected to Market Risks.. 
---------------------------------------
 Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Purana...
 Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Purana...

👭Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. 
---------------------------------------
👰 Gym karna jaruri hai Acche Swasthya k liye...
 Gym karna jaruri hai Acche swasthya k liye...

 Munni badnam hui Darling tere liye... 
--------------------------------------
 Paanch Rupey ka Ek Samosa  Dus Rupey ka Do,
 Paanch Rupey ka Ek Samosa Dus Rupey ka Do.

 ACP ne kaha"DAYA darwaza tod do. 
--------------------------------------
😧Darr se daro nahi, just fight it.... 
😧Darr se daro nahi, just fight it.... 

 Hi I m Rajnikant, Mind it..!! 

Killer Shayari #251- 255 - Arz kiya hai

Blood Donate karne se pehle humesha uska Group janchna... 
Blood Donate karne se pehle humesha uska Group janchna...


 BASANTI in kutto k samne kabhi mat nachna.... 
-----------------------------------
Ratan Tata ne establish kiya TATA..🙋
Ratan Tata ne establish kiya TATA..


 Itni Shakti hume dena DATA.. 
-----------------------------------
Ab to Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana.
Ab to Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana.
 A for Apple B for Banana.🍌
-----------------------------------
 Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala...
 Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala...
 Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life JhingaLala ..!!😻
---------------------------------
Romio ne Juliet se kaha Ek Sach..🙀
Romio ne Juliet se kaha Ek Sach..
 Asali masale sach sach MDH.....MDH ...!

Killer Shayari #250 - Arz kiya hai

Main hu Yaha Tu hai waha... 
Main hu Yaha Tu hai waha..

 LIFEBUOY hai jaha Tandurusti hai waha...👪

Killer Shayari #249 - Arz kiya hai

Mehgai k iss daur me karna padta hai apne kharche par kaboo.. 
Mehgai k iss daur me karna padta hai apne kharche par kaboo..

 Ek chutki Sindoor ki kimmat tum kya jaano RameshBabu ??  

Killer Shayari #248 - Arz kiya hai

 Yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak ??
 Yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak ??

 Cameraman Prafful ke saath Deepak  Chaurasia AAJ TAK..📜

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Killer Shayari #247 - Arz kiya hai

Traffic Jaam me attak gayi Bike,
Traffic Jaam me attak gayi Bike,

😮Chalo sab khele Counter-Strike .

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Killer Shayari #246 - Arz kiya hai

Dil pagal hai Pyar mein Tere Paaro,
Dil pagal hai Pyar mein Tere Paaro,

ACP bola,"Daya, Ghar ka kona- kona chaanmaaro"
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Killer Shayari #239-245 Arz kiya hai..

Mountain Dew Peene se udd jaata hai
Fear,
Basically your concepts are not clear..
-----------------
Dost ne pucha Exam mein,"5th
Answer Batao",
Maine kaha Melody Khao
khud jaan jaao..
.----------
Pamela ke Pyar mein pagal ho
gaya peter, Ab Hero Honda Splendor 80KM
prati leter..
.----------
aatma chhod gayi Jism purana,
Didi tera Devar Deewana..
-----------
Blood donate karne ke pehle
hamesha Group jhachna,
Basanti, in Kutto ke samne mat Nachna..
-----------
Yasomati Maiyya se bole Nandlala,
Tata Sky laga dala toh Life Jhingalala..
----------
Agar Tabiyat kharab hai to
dhundo koi chemist,
My name is Khan and I'm not a Terrorist,

:)
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Gyan: HINDI SONGS & THEIR MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS

HINDI SONGS & THEIR MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS

Jiya Jale jaan jale,
Raat bhar dhuan chale
-FEVER

Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi
-HEART ATTACK

Suhani raat dhal chuki ...naa jaane tum kab aoge
-CONSTIPATION

Bidi jalayle jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag he
-ACIDITY

Tujhme rab dikhta hai ..yaara main kya karoo
-CATARACT

Tuje yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kahna
-ALZHEIMER'S

Mann dole mera tann dole
-VERTIGO

Tip tip barsa paani,
paani ne aag lagayee
-URINARY INFECTION

Dil Dhadak Dhadak ke keh raha he..
-HYPERTENSION

Aaj Kal Paaon Zameen par nahi padte mere..
-CORN ON FEET

Haay re
haay Neend nahin aaye..
-INSOMNIA

Batana bi nahi aata, Chupana bi nahi aata..
-PILES

And Above All

Lagi Aaj Saawan ki phir woh Zadi he..
-LOOSE MOTION

Thanks@Milton for sharing this one :)

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BBM/ FB Gyan - Factual Facts

6 Negatives Lines,
With positive meanings :

Money can't buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a cycle :D

Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name \=D/

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again /:)

Many people are alive only bcoz its illegal to shoot them(n)

Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but neither does juice*wine*

Smoking kills, but if you don't smoke, it doesn't mean you'll never die..!!
:xx

Thanks@gyanbaba for sharing this :)

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BBM Gyan #362 - Boy and Girl

Each girl wants 'BARBIE DOLL' n each boy wants 'BIG CAR' in their childhood.

But after grwing up, each girl needs 'BIG CAR' n each boy needs 'BARBIE DOLL'
:)

Thanks@lilbadgirl for sharing :)

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Joke: 3rd Class student and teacher.

3rd class ka baccha apni Miss se kehta hai Mai apko kesa lagta hun....??

Miss: so sweet .
Baccha: To phir mai apne ammi abbu ko aap ke ghar kab bheju......??
Miss: wo q ??
Bacha: qki wo hamari baat aage chalaye...
Miss: ye kya bakwas hai..

Baccha .

.

Tution padhane ke liye..., miss aap bhi na Qasam se tv dekh dekh k kharab ho gai hain.......

;) :p

Thanks@gazar for sharing this one :)

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Gyan: Fantastic Lines

A Fantastic Line..

Ek Phoolwale ki Dukan k Board pe Likha Tha.

Insan ko Har Jagah "JEET" Chahiye !
Lekin Wo Mere Pass Aakar "HAAR" Mangte Hai..
:)

Thanks@sonia for sharing :)
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Joke: Chand aur Mehboob

Ek raat ek Shakhs ne Chand se poocha ki, Ae chaand! Bata mera mehboob kya kar raha hai ?

� Chand bola: "Beta dekh, Pehli baat toh yeh ki main Tere baap ka naukar nahi hoon.

Doosri baat ye ki itni uparse Kuch nahi dikhta

Teesri baat ye ki Chichora pan Tum log zameen tak hi Rakho, mereko isme involve mat karo"
X_X =D
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Gyan: Accountancy fact

What is the difference between Liability & Asset?

A drunk friend is a liability.. But
A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset.!!

Thanks@ Appu for sharing this one :)

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Gyan:- Safety Tips For Winter

Safety Tip #361 for Winters !!

Stand in front of mirror with one glass of water..
throw water on d mirror
& say..

" Ahaa.. Now I took a bath..!! "
X_X=))

Thanks@Kalesh for sharing this one :)

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Humour- Punjabi Boliyan

ßari ßarsi khttan Gya Si, Khat ke
Lyandi khand (sugar).. . . . . .

ßari ßarsi khtan Gya Si, Khat ke
Lyandi khand.. . . . . .

..O Teri Di ..O Teri Di ..
Aini Thand....Aini Thand....
=)) :D

Thanks@Abs for sharing this one :)

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FB / Gyan: Drinking with friends

The privilege of Drinking with Friends is that,we can talk nonsense all the time..
.
.
.
& the best thing is-
Nonsense is Understood, Discussed & Respected :)

Thanks@Himsoo for sharing this :)

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Gyan: Save The World

How to save the world:

1. Open MS Word

2. Make a document named "The World"

3. Save the document

:)

Thanks@Sonia for sharing this one :)

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SMS Joke- Golden Words

Golden Words By Hitler:
'If U Can't Fly, Run. If U Can't Run, Walk. If U Can't Walk, Crawl..
But..Keep Moving
.
.

Santa:
O Te Thik Aa,Par Jana Kithey hai??!!


Thanks@lead for sharing this :)

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Jan 01, 2013 ka pehla khatarnak joke

Q: I have five thousand bucks with me. But can only spend 3000. Why

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
A: Kyunki Do Hazaar Tera hai. 2013..
:)

Thanks@ Hemu for sharing :)
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