Joke:- 2 Keralites in New York.

2 men from Kerala get onto a bus in New York. They sit down & engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next 2 them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears 1 of them say the following:

"Emma cums first.
Den I cum.
Den two asses cum together.
I cum once-a-more!
2 asses, they cum 2gether again.
I cum again and pee twice.

Then I cum one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more and shouts "You foul- mouthed sexobsessed Indian, in this country we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives however extraordinary they are."

"Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. "Who talkin' about sex?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."

(I swear you're gonna read this again) :p =))

Yeah u gonna ;)


Thanks@Ram for sharing this one :)
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Joke:- Naughty Caller

A naughty caller:
.

" Hello, dominoz..?? "

..

.

"Yes sir,

How can I help u...?"

.
.
.
"Bhai Pizza ghar pe kaise banau? btaiyo jara. ;)


:D
:D
Thanks@Khushi for sharing this one..=))

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Best Punjabi Joke - Santa-Banta Boliyaan.

BANTA-TENU Aini maar KYON PYI..?

SANTA- KAL BaRAAT vich BOLI GALAT PEGI Sii..?

BANTA : KIDDAN Veere...?

SANTA : "BAARI BaRSI KHATAN GAYA C
KHAT KE LEANDI TAAR ,

BHANGRA TA SAJDA,
JE NACHE KURI DA YAAR .?

Banta-Fir ta maar paini hi Sii

Santa-Mainu ta sirf maar hi payi Veere, jehra nachiya Sii
audda parso BHOG hai.. :(

:D :D

Thanks@Koz for sharing this one :)

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Fb Joke / Gyan :- NEVER LIE TO A SMART WOMAN

Man : "Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get d promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pajamas!"
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good..
The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn't u pack my blue silk pajamas?"

You'll love the answer..!!

"I did.. They're in your fishing box!!

Thanks@Vik for sharing this :)

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Gyan/Joke:- Installing Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy..

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,........ ............... .

Reply...

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulove dme. html and try to download
Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

IT SUPPORT DESK.....
:)


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Joke:- Rajinikant's Sunglasses

Why does rajnikant wear sunglasses..?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
To protect the sun from his eyes..
:p

Thanks@harsha for sharing :)

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SMS Jokes:- More Wife Jokes

Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either ur money or life... The wives want both!
====
Marriage is like a public toilet Those waiting outside are desperate to
get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.
====
No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied
with 4 things in life.
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because there is always a better model in neighborhood.
===
Searching these keywords on Google `How to tackle wife?`
Google search result, `Good day sir, Even we are searching`.
===
Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right. It
only means that the safety of your head is much more important than
your ego!
===
Imagine living with 3 wives in one compound and never leaving the house
for 5 years. Osama Bin Laden must have called the US Navy Seals himself!!!
===
Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling
single again.
===
A friend recently explained why he refuses to get to married.
He says the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs.
===
It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she
love the most; and when a man does that... the slide show begins.
===
It takes thousand workers 2 build a castle, Million soldiers to protect
a country, but just One woman 2 make a Happy Home --------- A Good
Maid!
===
Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils,
but my wife is the queen
--
--
--
--
--
--
. . . . .of them!!!
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Joke:- Punjabi Businessman

Manjeet Singh, a furniture dealer goes to Paris. Meets manufacturers and selects a new range that he thought would sell well, back home in PUNJAB . To celebrate, he decides to visit a pub. As he sat enjoying his wine, a very beautiful lady came to his table, asked him something in French which he didn't understand.
He invited her to sit down, took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After a while, he took another napkin, drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.
When they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed.

Till this day, Manjeet is trying to figure out how the hell did she know that he was in the furniture business!!
:p

Thanks@prjapati for sharing this one :)
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Gyan:- Succesful Marriage

Three magical words for successful marriage......

........"OK BUY IT....!!! " #:-s
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Joke: Punjabi Servant

Husband calls from Delhi 2 his wife in Chandigarh 📞
Servant picked d phone.
Husband: Memsab  se baat karao 
Servant: Wo to Sahab k sath kamre 🚪me hai 
Husband: Par Sahab to mai hoon 
Servant: Ab me kya karu? 
Husband: Maar de dono ko  Mai hold karta hoon 
After killing..🔪
Servant: Lasho ka kya karu? 
Husband: Ghar k piche wale swimming pool  me phek k bhaag jaa 
Servant: Par hamare ghar me to swimming pool hi nahi hai.. 😯
Husband: Oh sorry, wrong number 😋 
Phone rakh..!!

Thanks@Sandy for sharing :)

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Joke: Blonde men jokes #392 - 396

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me." The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet." 
------------------------------------

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. 
------------------------------------

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take
them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." 
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" 
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!" 
------------------------------------

A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another. A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road. The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!" 
------------------------------------

A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies. 
------------------------------------
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Joke:- Blonde men joke #356

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take
them to a police station. One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?" The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two." 

Thanks@ Ishan for sharing :)

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Jokes:- Blond Men Joke #351

A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th." 

Thanks@ Ishan for sharing :)

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BBM / FB Gyan:- 10 Mantras for a cool life.

10 Mantras for a cool life:

1. Money is not everything. There's also Mastercard & Visa.
2. Save water. Drink on the rocks.
3. Fruits/Salads are healthy. So leave em for sick.
4. Books are holy. So don't touch them.
5. Don't shout in the class. It disturbs those who are sleeping.
6. Love thy neighbor. But don't get caught.
7. Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance.
8. Why do something today when it can be done tomorrow. By someone else.
9. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life.
10. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
:p

Thanks@Ishu for sharing this one :)


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BBM / SMS PJ:- Someone Special

Everybody wants
some1 special,

some1 Innocent,

some1 nice,

some1 C0oL,

some1 sweet,

some1 intelligent.

but yaar! why always ME, ME & ME?

Jaan lelo ab sab meri
;):p


Thanks@deeps for sharing this :)

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PJ - Rajinikanth Big Boss

"Once Rajnikant Got Angry On his friend'
& told him not 2 Show his face ever again

Today dat person is known as BIG BOSS"!

Thanks@bobby for sharing this one :)

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Killer Shayari #256-260 - Arz kiya hai

 1 Ladki ne kiya Ladke k Gaal pe Kiss..
 1 Ladki ne kiya Ladke k Gaal pe Kiss..

📨Mutual Funds are subjected to Market Risks.. 
---------------------------------------
 Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Purana...
 Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Purana...

👭Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. 
---------------------------------------
👰 Gym karna jaruri hai Acche Swasthya k liye...
 Gym karna jaruri hai Acche swasthya k liye...

 Munni badnam hui Darling tere liye... 
--------------------------------------
 Paanch Rupey ka Ek Samosa  Dus Rupey ka Do,
 Paanch Rupey ka Ek Samosa Dus Rupey ka Do.

 ACP ne kaha"DAYA darwaza tod do. 
--------------------------------------
😧Darr se daro nahi, just fight it.... 
😧Darr se daro nahi, just fight it.... 

 Hi I m Rajnikant, Mind it..!! 

Killer Shayari #251- 255 - Arz kiya hai

Blood Donate karne se pehle humesha uska Group janchna... 
Blood Donate karne se pehle humesha uska Group janchna...


 BASANTI in kutto k samne kabhi mat nachna.... 
-----------------------------------
Ratan Tata ne establish kiya TATA..🙋
Ratan Tata ne establish kiya TATA..


 Itni Shakti hume dena DATA.. 
-----------------------------------
Ab to Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana.
Ab to Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana.
 A for Apple B for Banana.🍌
-----------------------------------
 Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala...
 Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala...
 Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life JhingaLala ..!!😻
---------------------------------
Romio ne Juliet se kaha Ek Sach..🙀
Romio ne Juliet se kaha Ek Sach..
 Asali masale sach sach MDH.....MDH ...!

Killer Shayari #250 - Arz kiya hai

Main hu Yaha Tu hai waha... 
Main hu Yaha Tu hai waha..

 LIFEBUOY hai jaha Tandurusti hai waha...👪

Killer Shayari #249 - Arz kiya hai

Mehgai k iss daur me karna padta hai apne kharche par kaboo.. 
Mehgai k iss daur me karna padta hai apne kharche par kaboo..

 Ek chutki Sindoor ki kimmat tum kya jaano RameshBabu ??  

Killer Shayari #248 - Arz kiya hai

 Yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak ??
 Yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak ??

 Cameraman Prafful ke saath Deepak  Chaurasia AAJ TAK..📜

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Killer Shayari #247 - Arz kiya hai

Traffic Jaam me attak gayi Bike,
Traffic Jaam me attak gayi Bike,

😮Chalo sab khele Counter-Strike .

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Killer Shayari #246 - Arz kiya hai

Dil pagal hai Pyar mein Tere Paaro,
Dil pagal hai Pyar mein Tere Paaro,

ACP bola,"Daya, Ghar ka kona- kona chaanmaaro"
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Killer Shayari #239-245 Arz kiya hai..

Mountain Dew Peene se udd jaata hai
Fear,
Basically your concepts are not clear..
-----------------
Dost ne pucha Exam mein,"5th
Answer Batao",
Maine kaha Melody Khao
khud jaan jaao..
.----------
Pamela ke Pyar mein pagal ho
gaya peter, Ab Hero Honda Splendor 80KM
prati leter..
.----------
aatma chhod gayi Jism purana,
Didi tera Devar Deewana..
-----------
Blood donate karne ke pehle
hamesha Group jhachna,
Basanti, in Kutto ke samne mat Nachna..
-----------
Yasomati Maiyya se bole Nandlala,
Tata Sky laga dala toh Life Jhingalala..
----------
Agar Tabiyat kharab hai to
dhundo koi chemist,
My name is Khan and I'm not a Terrorist,

:)
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Gyan: HINDI SONGS & THEIR MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS

HINDI SONGS & THEIR MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS

Jiya Jale jaan jale,
Raat bhar dhuan chale
-FEVER

Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi
-HEART ATTACK

Suhani raat dhal chuki ...naa jaane tum kab aoge
-CONSTIPATION

Bidi jalayle jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag he
-ACIDITY

Tujhme rab dikhta hai ..yaara main kya karoo
-CATARACT

Tuje yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kahna
-ALZHEIMER'S

Mann dole mera tann dole
-VERTIGO

Tip tip barsa paani,
paani ne aag lagayee
-URINARY INFECTION

Dil Dhadak Dhadak ke keh raha he..
-HYPERTENSION

Aaj Kal Paaon Zameen par nahi padte mere..
-CORN ON FEET

Haay re
haay Neend nahin aaye..
-INSOMNIA

Batana bi nahi aata, Chupana bi nahi aata..
-PILES

And Above All

Lagi Aaj Saawan ki phir woh Zadi he..
-LOOSE MOTION

Thanks@Milton for sharing this one :)

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BBM/ FB Gyan - Factual Facts

6 Negatives Lines,
With positive meanings :

Money can't buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a BMW than on a cycle :D

Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name \=D/

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again /:)

Many people are alive only bcoz its illegal to shoot them(n)

Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but neither does juice*wine*

Smoking kills, but if you don't smoke, it doesn't mean you'll never die..!!
:xx

Thanks@gyanbaba for sharing this :)

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BBM Gyan #362 - Boy and Girl

Each girl wants 'BARBIE DOLL' n each boy wants 'BIG CAR' in their childhood.

But after grwing up, each girl needs 'BIG CAR' n each boy needs 'BARBIE DOLL'
:)

Thanks@lilbadgirl for sharing :)

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Joke: 3rd Class student and teacher.

3rd class ka baccha apni Miss se kehta hai Mai apko kesa lagta hun....??

Miss: so sweet .
Baccha: To phir mai apne ammi abbu ko aap ke ghar kab bheju......??
Miss: wo q ??
Bacha: qki wo hamari baat aage chalaye...
Miss: ye kya bakwas hai..

Baccha .

.

Tution padhane ke liye..., miss aap bhi na Qasam se tv dekh dekh k kharab ho gai hain.......

;) :p

Thanks@gazar for sharing this one :)

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Gyan: Fantastic Lines

A Fantastic Line..

Ek Phoolwale ki Dukan k Board pe Likha Tha.

Insan ko Har Jagah "JEET" Chahiye !
Lekin Wo Mere Pass Aakar "HAAR" Mangte Hai..
:)

Thanks@sonia for sharing :)
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Joke: Chand aur Mehboob

Ek raat ek Shakhs ne Chand se poocha ki, Ae chaand! Bata mera mehboob kya kar raha hai ?

� Chand bola: "Beta dekh, Pehli baat toh yeh ki main Tere baap ka naukar nahi hoon.

Doosri baat ye ki itni uparse Kuch nahi dikhta

Teesri baat ye ki Chichora pan Tum log zameen tak hi Rakho, mereko isme involve mat karo"
X_X =D
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Gyan: Accountancy fact

What is the difference between Liability & Asset?

A drunk friend is a liability.. But
A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset.!!

Thanks@ Appu for sharing this one :)

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Gyan:- Safety Tips For Winter

Safety Tip #361 for Winters !!

Stand in front of mirror with one glass of water..
throw water on d mirror
& say..

" Ahaa.. Now I took a bath..!! "
X_X=))

Thanks@Kalesh for sharing this one :)

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Humour- Punjabi Boliyan

ßari ßarsi khttan Gya Si, Khat ke
Lyandi khand (sugar).. . . . . .

ßari ßarsi khtan Gya Si, Khat ke
Lyandi khand.. . . . . .

..O Teri Di ..O Teri Di ..
Aini Thand....Aini Thand....
=)) :D

Thanks@Abs for sharing this one :)

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FB / Gyan: Drinking with friends

The privilege of Drinking with Friends is that,we can talk nonsense all the time..
.
.
.
& the best thing is-
Nonsense is Understood, Discussed & Respected :)

Thanks@Himsoo for sharing this :)

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Gyan: Save The World

How to save the world:

1. Open MS Word

2. Make a document named "The World"

3. Save the document

:)

Thanks@Sonia for sharing this one :)

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SMS Joke- Golden Words

Golden Words By Hitler:
'If U Can't Fly, Run. If U Can't Run, Walk. If U Can't Walk, Crawl..
But..Keep Moving
.
.

Santa:
O Te Thik Aa,Par Jana Kithey hai??!!


Thanks@lead for sharing this :)

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Jan 01, 2013 ka pehla khatarnak joke

Q: I have five thousand bucks with me. But can only spend 3000. Why

?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
A: Kyunki Do Hazaar Tera hai. 2013..
:)

Thanks@ Hemu for sharing :)
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