Joke - Santa as security guard

Santa ws interviewed for post of security guard:
"We want someone wth a suspicious mind, alwez on hi alert, wanting to attack, strong body, high sense of hearing and, most importantly, a killer instinct. Do U think U r eligible?"

Santa: Nope..
But can my wife apply?! =D

Thanks@redlight for sharing this :)
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Gyan - Indian Television

What we learn from Indian Television Ads..??

You Don't Need Singing Skills To Be An Indian Idol, You Just Need Fair & Lovely..!!

That No One Can Eat Cadbury Dairymilk Chocolate Without Getting It All Across Their Face..!!

To Close Bathroom Door While Brushing Teeth, Else A Tv Reporter Might Step In & Ask "Kya Aapke Toothpaste Mein Namak Hai?"

Don't Buy Reliance..!! Even Anushka Sharma Couldn't Convince Ranvijay To Buy It..!!

That Both Kareena Kapoor & Saif Ali Khan Have Serious Dandruff Problem..!!

That If You Don't Use Harpic, People Will Barge Into Your House To Clean Your Toilet..!!

That Only Thing Super Hot Girls Care About Is Your 140 Rupees Deodorant Bathed Body !

Money Minded Women Will Fall For Any Guy Who Applies A Deo Or Uses A Fairness Cream. No Other Quality Matters..!!

That Salman With A Relaxo Chappal Can Achieve Many Great Things, Unlike The Salman Without The Chappals..!!

That Your Mom Will Be Proud Of You If You Take A Bath In A Puddle Of Mud! #Daag Ache Hain :p

Thanks@djish-n.com for sharing this :)
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Joke - Khoobsoorat Patni

Pati-Dear Tum Khubsurat Hoti Jaa Rahi Ho.
Patni (Kitchen se)-Tumne Kaise Jana Dear ?
Pati-Tumhe Dekhkar Rotiyan bhi 'Jalne' Lagi Hai..!

Thanks@Ravi for sharing this one :)
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Joke- Examination

After Examination-
1st Benchers- Paper tough tha, par 95 to pakke hai,
2nd Benchers- Are yaar ek question to fir bhi reh hi gaya,
3rd Benchers- Pass ho jaunga bas itna pata hai,
4th Benchers- wat lag gayi yaar mai to pakka fail hu, Last benchers- "Abe Paper ki maa ki aankh, wo mere room wali madam kya gazab aayi thi, samajh hi nahi aa raha tha paper ko dekhu ya maal ko"
=D ;)

Thanks@Fukri for sending this one. :)
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Joke - PROUD FATHERS

Three men was talking and bragging about their sons ..

1st Father :
My son is a successful home builder & rich that he gifted a 40 Lakh villa ... to his friend ..!!

2nd Father :
My son is rich too and has huge car showroom.. he gifted a 70 Lakh brand new BMW car to his friend ..!!

3rd Father :
My son is a richest stockbroker in the city.. he just donated 1 Crore to his friend for his business...!!

There another father was sitting and listening to them so all three asked him about his son ...

He replied :
Well, my son is gay & dances in a gay bar ..'m not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well... Cause his boyfriends gave him a villa, a brand new BMW & he will start his own dance bar cause he just got 1 Crore from his another boyfriend.. :P ;))


Thanks@Pratigya for sharing this one :)

Gyan- God's Blockbuster Hindi Movie in 2012

GUESS GOD IS MAKING MEGA BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE...

In 2012, he called big stars like

Dev anand,
Rajesh khanna,
Shammi Kappor,
Dara singh

Director: Yash Chopra

Singer: Jagjit Singh

Comedian: Jaspal Bhatti

Cartoonist and Sarkaar: Balasaheb Thackeray

God we hope casting of your movie is complete..
Now that you also have financier Ponty Chadha and villain Kasab.

(Shared by - Vikas Gupta.)

Funny Pic - 20 Nov 2012

Thanks@gOgO for sharing this.

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Gyan - Days of the week

I serously never realized..
that after
Monday
and
Tuesday,...
The calendar also says
W T F.!!!!!
:p ;)

Thanks@Ishn for sending this one :)
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Hindi Joke - Media = Wife

Media aur Wife mein kya similarity hai?
.
.
.
Jab tak ek hi baat, 10 baar na bataye, tab tak dono ko suqoon nahi milta. X_X :p :D


Thanx@APS for sharing this one.. :)
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BBM Gyan - Smartphone

I'll call a smartphone smart only when I yell out:
"Oye phone..!! Kitthe hain?? ",
and the phone yells back:
"Aitthe.. razai de thalle..!!"..
=)) #

Thanks@Vish for sharing this one :)
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Joke - Romantic Girl

Girl:"Its not that i want u with me everytime..
But Its just i don't want anyone else to have u for a second"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Boy: Aaye haye teri inglissssss !!! ;)

Thanks@Sonia for sharing this one :)
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Gyan- Great Lines

"DONT EXPECT CHANGE FROM OTHERS
U MUST BRING THE CHANGE YOURSELF..."



Great lines said by..






Ram Bilawan (Sabzi Wala)

Means- "PAISE KHULLE DE.." ;)



Thanks@Appu for sharing this :)
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Joke- Sheikh on a plane

Air hostess to Shaikh: What will u have Sir?
Shaikh: Wallah, Humare Liye bhi ek Taaviz wala Chai lao.
Air Hostess: Abey Dubai ke Dhakkan! Woh Taaviz nahi tea bag hai.
:p

Thanks@Prisha for sharing this.. :)
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Gyan- Girlfriend

If you love her,
let her go out drinking with her friends!!
If she drunk dials you,
she is yours..
If her phone is switched off, she never was... ;)

Thanks@zozo for sharing this :)
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Diwali Gyan by an NRI kid

A mom 
asked her elder kid
to explain diwali 
to his bro ..
.
He replied:
"So luk, this dude Ram had,
like a big kingdom,
& people liked him bt,
like his step mom or sumthin,
was kinda bitch and she forcd her hubby 
to send this Ram to sum jungle or sumthin..
Coz he was goin for 14yrs,
So his wife n bro got along..(U knw just 2 chill)
Bt dude forest was real scary shit..
Was full of devils  n shit like dat,
bt dis dude killed thm wid arrows..
Bt den sum bad gangsta- Ravan 
pickd up his babe sita..
Dis Dude n his bro got pissd off..
So dey got an army of monkeys..
dnt ask hw...
Attackd dem,
got d babe n returnd home..
People thot atleast dey deserv sumthn
Dey had no bars or clubs or smoke stuff to party...
So they lit lamps..
N this is how it all started..

MOM FAINTED 

Thanks@bh for sharing..
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