Side effects of alcohol and remedies !!! - Joke

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause- Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Adjust glass until open end is facing upward.

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom- The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom-You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your empty glass on your ear and trying to drink from it.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself, refill your glass and place it on your mouth.

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very loud and repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job!

Joke - Bong Boy

A Bengali boy in a Bus

Boy: Hot..!
Girl : Thanks 😍
Boy : Hot, homko neechy utrna hai!!
😆😆😆

Joke - Dont mess with an Indian farmer.

An Indian farmer walking through his field notices a foreigner drinking water from a pond, with his hand.

The farmer shouts, 'Arre baba, woh paani mat peena. Usme gaayein or suuwar sandas karte hai har roz !

The man shouts back, 'I'm a foreigner, I don't understand your bloody gibberish language... Speak English, you bloody Indian idiot !'

The farmer shouts back in English,

'Use two hands, u can drink more !'

:D

ainveyi - Pic of the day

Gyan - Parents; parents hi hote hain

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

“I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage… and that much misery is enough!”

“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says.

“We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!”

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

“Like WHAT???? they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.”

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are not getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow.

“Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??” and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Okay”, he says,

“It’s all set. They’re both coming for Eid and paying their own airfare!!”

MORAL:

No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.

The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.

OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE. AFTER ALL WE WORK FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM.

Joke in a Pic - Pathaan ki kya galati..

Joke - Insult ki Had

Girl: mummy kya mai beautiful dikhti hu?

Mummy: apne bf se puch le...

Girl: bf nahi hai...

Mummy : to khud hi samajh jaa ab...

:D :) :p

Gyan - Naya Sanskar

नया संस्कार:
यदि आपके घर कोई पधारें
तो उसे पानी पूछने से पहले कहिये "

प्रणाम,
लाइये में आपका फोन चार्जिंग
पे लगा दूँ "

कसम से दिल से दुआ देगा सामने वाला..... फिर पूछो .... आपको वाई फाई .... का पासवर्ड दे दू ... तो खुशी से  पगला  जायेगा !
:D :)

Joke - Iron Man

I Saw contact called
 "Iron man"
on my wife's  phone.
Little terrified , I asked her.
She said,



 "Istri walo bhaiyyo!"
:D

Joke: Husb/Wife phone conv.

Husband: Call Me Shonu
Wife: mera Shona Babu....
Husb: arrrrre.,,,Call Me Sweetheart
Wf: my sweetu ... Sweetheart.
Husb: ufffff ...... Call Me Honey..
Wf: Mera hannu darling ...

Husb : O pagal aurat, call kar mujhe, balance nhi hai
Wf: Oho ... ok ok... Abhi karti hu
=D=))
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Joke:- Intellegent Hubby

Biwi ne Husband ko call
kiya:- Kaha ho tum ??
Husband:- Tumhe
wo Jwellery shop yaad hai
jahan tume ek diamond ka
set pasand aaya tha aur tab mere pass itne paise
nahi the ki main wo tumhe
leke de sakun..
.
.
Wife :- Haan yaad hai... Husband:- Phir maine
tumse
kaha tha ki ek din main
tumhein wo
zaroor leke dunga..
.
Wife bahut khush hote hue: Haan Haan ji, mujhe
achche
se yaad hai..
.
.
.
. . Husband:- Main uski baju
wali
shop me baal katwa raha hu
thoda late aunga..

:)
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Joke - CEO Choudhary

The new C.E.O. was walking in the factory, he noticed a guy leaning against the wall, looking somewhere..
He approached the man & asked him, "How much do you earn?"
Guy was amazed n said, "3000, sir."
CEO took out wallet n gave the guy 9000 n told him,
"I pay people here 2 work n not 2 waste time..
This is ur 3 month's salary n now get out of here NEVER come back.."

The CEO now looked at other workers & asked,
"Who was that guy?"
Workers replied,
"He was the pizza delivery guy sir..."

MORAL:
Zyada chaudhary bhi nhi banna chahiye.

Thanks@Ishan for sharing this one :)
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Joke - Andha Faqeer.

Wife or husband shop se nikle to ek faqeer ne kaha :..
Shehzaadi !!! 5 Rupay de de......Andha hoon... ....
Husband ne wife ki taraf dekha or bola :
"De de.....Waqai andha hai"

Thanks @ Abhay for sharing this one :)

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Joke - Chintu - Tinku (#26)

Chintu: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Tinku: Zyada kuch nahi, 2-4 ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.

:)

Thanks@LMFAO for sharing this one :)

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Joke: Mouse in Arab's Hotel room

An Arab couple went 2
London
.
.
1 day in the hotel room,
d husband heard his
wife scream 'Faar
Faar' (it is d arabic word
for Mouse)
.
.
He wanted to inform
Room Service but didnt
know English word for
Faar.
Husband: Hello Room
Service?
.
Room Service: Yes Sir,
how can I help u?
.
Husband : U know Tom
n Jerry?
.
Room Service: Yes Sir, I
know Tom n Jery
.
.
Husband : Walla Habibi,
JERRY is here!

Thanks @anushka for sharing this one :)

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Joke - Indian Husband Wife Fighting

Husband wife mein larai hoi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya,

Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kia hai"
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Mai dair se aonga, tum kha kar so jana
:D

Thanks @ Sonik for sharing :)

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Joke - Santa calls radio after finding a wallet

Santa ne FM Radio pe phone kiya aur kaha :
.
.
Mujhe Lawrence Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash, ek Credit Card aur Rahman Malik ke naam ka ID mila hai....
.
.
RJ : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain.... Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge???
.
.
Santa : Nahi... Main chahta hun ki Rahman Malik ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye. ;)
:)

Thanks@ Sandy for sharing this one :)

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Joke - Gastric problem

Old Lady to Doctor: Mujhe Gas ki
problem hai
par achhi baat ye hai ki meri gas me
na
BadBu aati hai na Awaaz
.
.
.
Aap k clinic me bhi 20 baar gas chhod
chuki
hu par kisi ko pata nahi chala.
.
Doctor: "Ye Dawa lijiye aur 1 weekbaad
aayiye".
.
.
(1 week baad)
Old Lady:"Aap ne mujhe kya dawa de
di....??
Meri gas me ab bhi aawaz nahi aa
rahi par bahut Zehrili Badbu aa rahi
hai"
.
.
Doctor:"Good..! Aapki Naak theek ho
gayi hai
Ab hum aap k KAAN ka ilaaj
karenge......
;)
:p

Thanks@Sonik for sharing this one :)

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SMS / BBM PJ- Save the Titanic

Now you can help people who were in Titanic many a decades ago. No time travel required. Just any smart phone will do.

Rename your phone "Titanic".

Plug it to your computer via USB cable.

Click on "Sync phone".

Phone will read "Titanic is syncing".

Cancel the process, unplug the phone and save it from "Syncing".

Titanic saved.

Feel like a hero.

Call James Cameron and tell him "whether in 2D or 3D, you can save Titanic".

Send this to people on your list, help them save "Titanic" and feel like a hero.

PS : If you can't rename your smart-phone "Titanic", you should have been on that ship.

Thanks@shan for sharing this one :)

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Joke: Santa in England

Santa goes 2 England with wife.
Dere at hotel;
Santa 2 waiter: Sir, Most respectfully I beg 2 say dat I m ill & cant come 2 school Kindly grant me Tea for 2 plzz.
Waiter is surprisd but undrstnds & brings tea
Wife: Wah ji,Twanu te fur fur Englsh Aandi aey
Santa: Halley te main Paani waastey Thirsty Crow nai sunai...
d@t

Thanks@gabru for sharing :)

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