Side effects of alcohol and remedies !!! - Joke

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause- Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Adjust glass until open end is facing upward.

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom- The floor looks blurry.
Cause : You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause : You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom-You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your empty glass on your ear and trying to drink from it.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself, refill your glass and place it on your mouth.

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause : You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very loud and repetitive.
Cause : You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job!

Pj: 'shubhasya sheegram'

This morning i called my spiritual guru for advice. Guru said 'shubhasya sheegram'.

I heard it as 'subah se seagram' and obeyed it promptly!

Damn.... I have been lying talli all day :p
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Killer PJs Are Back..

1.) Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre
2.) IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain,
12 saal se CID ka Daya ek hi Qualis Chala raha hain
3.) Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera
mehmaan,
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman.
4.) Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY
ACP Pradhuymann ne kaha " aakhir chahta kya hain khooni"
5.) Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Diagram galat ho gaya, rubber de rubber
6.) Teri adao pe main waari waari..
Dial 139 for railway enquiry.
7.) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf..
The number you are trying is currently
switched off.
8.) Apne gamo ko bas dil me dabalo.
Naya godrej powder hair dye,Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo.
9.) yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK..
10.) mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano
Ramesh babu...
11.) mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan...
mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan..
LIFEBUOY hai jahan tandurusti hai
wahan...
12.) Blood donate karne se pehle
hamesha uska group janchna...
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
BASANTI in kuton ke samne mat
nachna....
13.) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole
Nandlala ...
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life
Jhingalala ..!!
14.) Romeo ne juliet se kaha ek sach..
Romeo ne juliet se kaha ek sach..
Asali masale sach sach
MDH.....MDH ...!
15.) 1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
Mutual funds are subjected to market risks
16.) Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer
Puraana ...
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ..
Didi Tera Devar Deewana ..
17.) Naach bulbul naach, tujhe paisa
milega
hum CID se hai,koi apne jagah se nahi
hilega
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PJ- My Best Friend

English teacher: aaj sabko My best friend par 10 line likhni hai.
Thodi der baad ek student ne uthkar pucha
Madm "Kamine" Ko English Me Kya Khte Hai,.|
:p

Thanks @ Vick for sharing :)

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Killer BBM PJ - FB pe setting

Kisiko FB pe Setting karni hai to.......
........
.........
...........
.......
........
......
...... ..
Right side pe Setting ka option hai jitni marzi kar lo... :p

Thanks @ Deeps for sharing this one :)
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SMS / BBM PJ- Save the Titanic

Now you can help people who were in Titanic many a decades ago. No time travel required. Just any smart phone will do.

Rename your phone "Titanic".

Plug it to your computer via USB cable.

Click on "Sync phone".

Phone will read "Titanic is syncing".

Cancel the process, unplug the phone and save it from "Syncing".

Titanic saved.

Feel like a hero.

Call James Cameron and tell him "whether in 2D or 3D, you can save Titanic".

Send this to people on your list, help them save "Titanic" and feel like a hero.

PS : If you can't rename your smart-phone "Titanic", you should have been on that ship.

Thanks@shan for sharing this one :)

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Killer PJs

Q: Why is Sunday stronger than Monday?
.
Think Think....
.
.
Its because....
.
.
.
.
.

Monday is a Weak Day....

____________ _________ _________ _______

Q: Which is the safest way to see a shark?
.
.
.
.
.
.

Ans: On Television.. ..
____________ _________ _________ _______

Q: What would Baby Corn say To Mom Corn?
.
.
.
.
Guess plz....
.
.
He'll ask:
.
"Where is Pop Corn?"
____________ _________ _________ _______

Q: What is the full form of CNBC ???
.
.
.
It means....
.
.
.
.
Cartoon Network for Business Community !!
___________ _________ _________ _______

Q) What is it that RAM can do but RAVAN cant?
.
.
.
.
.
A: Wear a T-SHIRT.
___________ _________ _________ _______

Q) What is it that RAVAN can do but RAM cant?
.
.
.
.
.
A: Group discussion when he is alone.
___________ _________ _________ _______
Q: Why did Ram Gopal Varma made 'Phoonk'?
.
.
.
.
.
ANS:
Uski Picchli 'AAG' ko bujhaane ke liye....
___________ _________ _________ _______

Q: What do u call a 800 year old Hanuman Temple ???
.
.
.
.
Guess???
.
.
.

MARUTI 800!!!
____________ _________ _________ _______
Q: Agar Bengali ka phone kat jaaye, to woh kya kahega?
.
.
.
Socho....
.
.
.
.

Kol-Kata.... .

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Unbeatable PJ- Paneer masala

Q: What is the difference between Paneer Masala and Paneer 'Tikka' Masala??
.
.
.
.


Simple!

The Latter is Vaccinated.. .!!
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Gabbar PJ:- Sher ka bachha kaun.

Q: According to Gabbar, Sher Ka Bacha Kaun hai??
.
.
.
.

ANS: HOLI.
How?


Coz....

He Keeps Saying...

"Holi CUB hai,

CUB hai Holi...."
Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Fb Joke / Gyan :- NEVER LIE TO A SMART WOMAN

Man : "Honey I've been asked to go fishing in China with my boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get d promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a week, set out my rod & fishing box. We're leaving from office & I'll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh, Please pack my new blue silk pajamas!"
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but being a good wife she did exactly as her husband said.
The following Weekend he came home a little tired but looking good..
The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish. But why didn't u pack my blue silk pajamas?"

You'll love the answer..!!

"I did.. They're in your fishing box!!

Thanks@Vik for sharing this :)

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Gyan/Joke:- Installing Husband

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy..

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0,MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,........ ............... .

Reply...

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulove dme. html and try to download
Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

IT SUPPORT DESK.....
:)


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Gyan:- Succesful Marriage

Three magical words for successful marriage......

........"OK BUY IT....!!! " #:-s
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BBM / SMS PJ:- Someone Special

Everybody wants
some1 special,

some1 Innocent,

some1 nice,

some1 C0oL,

some1 sweet,

some1 intelligent.

but yaar! why always ME, ME & ME?

Jaan lelo ab sab meri
;):p


Thanks@deeps for sharing this :)

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PJ - Rajinikanth Big Boss

"Once Rajnikant Got Angry On his friend'
& told him not 2 Show his face ever again

Today dat person is known as BIG BOSS"!

Thanks@bobby for sharing this one :)

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Killer Shayari #256-260 - Arz kiya hai

 1 Ladki ne kiya Ladke k Gaal pe Kiss..
 1 Ladki ne kiya Ladke k Gaal pe Kiss..

📨Mutual Funds are subjected to Market Risks.. 
---------------------------------------
 Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Purana...
 Aatma Chhod Gayi Shareer Purana...

👭Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. 
---------------------------------------
👰 Gym karna jaruri hai Acche Swasthya k liye...
 Gym karna jaruri hai Acche swasthya k liye...

 Munni badnam hui Darling tere liye... 
--------------------------------------
 Paanch Rupey ka Ek Samosa  Dus Rupey ka Do,
 Paanch Rupey ka Ek Samosa Dus Rupey ka Do.

 ACP ne kaha"DAYA darwaza tod do. 
--------------------------------------
😧Darr se daro nahi, just fight it.... 
😧Darr se daro nahi, just fight it.... 

 Hi I m Rajnikant, Mind it..!! 

Killer Shayari #251- 255 - Arz kiya hai

Blood Donate karne se pehle humesha uska Group janchna... 
Blood Donate karne se pehle humesha uska Group janchna...


 BASANTI in kutto k samne kabhi mat nachna.... 
-----------------------------------
Ratan Tata ne establish kiya TATA..🙋
Ratan Tata ne establish kiya TATA..


 Itni Shakti hume dena DATA.. 
-----------------------------------
Ab to Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana.
Ab to Zindagi ka maksad hai tujhe apnana.
 A for Apple B for Banana.🍌
-----------------------------------
 Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala...
 Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala...
 Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life JhingaLala ..!!😻
---------------------------------
Romio ne Juliet se kaha Ek Sach..🙀
Romio ne Juliet se kaha Ek Sach..
 Asali masale sach sach MDH.....MDH ...!

Killer Shayari #250 - Arz kiya hai

Main hu Yaha Tu hai waha... 
Main hu Yaha Tu hai waha..

 LIFEBUOY hai jaha Tandurusti hai waha...👪

Killer Shayari #249 - Arz kiya hai

Mehgai k iss daur me karna padta hai apne kharche par kaboo.. 
Mehgai k iss daur me karna padta hai apne kharche par kaboo..

 Ek chutki Sindoor ki kimmat tum kya jaano RameshBabu ??  

Killer Shayari #248 - Arz kiya hai

 Yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak ??
 Yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak ??

 Cameraman Prafful ke saath Deepak  Chaurasia AAJ TAK..📜

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Killer Shayari #247 - Arz kiya hai

Traffic Jaam me attak gayi Bike,
Traffic Jaam me attak gayi Bike,

😮Chalo sab khele Counter-Strike .

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