Joke - Insult ki Had

Girl: mummy kya mai beautiful dikhti hu?

Mummy: apne bf se puch le...

Girl: bf nahi hai...

Mummy : to khud hi samajh jaa ab...

:D :) :p

Gyan - Naya Sanskar

नया संस्कार:
यदि आपके घर कोई पधारें
तो उसे पानी पूछने से पहले कहिये "

प्रणाम,
लाइये में आपका फोन चार्जिंग
पे लगा दूँ "

कसम से दिल से दुआ देगा सामने वाला..... फिर पूछो .... आपको वाई फाई .... का पासवर्ड दे दू ... तो खुशी से  पगला  जायेगा !
:D :)

Joke - Iron Man

I Saw contact called
 "Iron man"
on my wife's  phone.
Little terrified , I asked her.
She said,



 "Istri walo bhaiyyo!"
:D

Gyan - Logic of Indian parents

Indian parents logic
You are an AWAARA if you step outside of your home..
and NIKAAMA if you stay inside *eyesrolling* :S

Thanks@shaitaan for sharing this.  :)

Joke: Husb/Wife phone conv.

Husband: Call Me Shonu
Wife: mera Shona Babu....
Husb: arrrrre.,,,Call Me Sweetheart
Wf: my sweetu ... Sweetheart.
Husb: ufffff ...... Call Me Honey..
Wf: Mera hannu darling ...

Husb : O pagal aurat, call kar mujhe, balance nhi hai
Wf: Oho ... ok ok... Abhi karti hu
=D=))
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Pj: 'shubhasya sheegram'

This morning i called my spiritual guru for advice. Guru said 'shubhasya sheegram'.

I heard it as 'subah se seagram' and obeyed it promptly!

Damn.... I have been lying talli all day :p
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Joke:- Intellegent Hubby

Biwi ne Husband ko call
kiya:- Kaha ho tum ??
Husband:- Tumhe
wo Jwellery shop yaad hai
jahan tume ek diamond ka
set pasand aaya tha aur tab mere pass itne paise
nahi the ki main wo tumhe
leke de sakun..
.
.
Wife :- Haan yaad hai... Husband:- Phir maine
tumse
kaha tha ki ek din main
tumhein wo
zaroor leke dunga..
.
Wife bahut khush hote hue: Haan Haan ji, mujhe
achche
se yaad hai..
.
.
.
. . Husband:- Main uski baju
wali
shop me baal katwa raha hu
thoda late aunga..

:)
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Gyan - Happy Husband

ALL Happy Husbands Behave Like Amir Khan In Ghajini -

Biwi Ki Sunte Hain,
Samajhte Hain,
Aur.
15 Minute Ke Baad Sab BhooL Jaate Hain...

:)
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Killer PJs Are Back..

1.) Mehbooba ke pyaar mein mar gaya peter,
Hero Honda Splendor 80km/Litre
2.) IPL ke matches dekh ke logon ko maza aaraha hain,
12 saal se CID ka Daya ek hi Qualis Chala raha hain
3.) Na jaan na pehchaan, tu mera
mehmaan,
And the award goes to A.R.Rehman.
4.) Manchester United mein khelta hain ROONEY
ACP Pradhuymann ne kaha " aakhir chahta kya hain khooni"
5.) Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Kisiko na thi, mere pyaar ki khabar,
Diagram galat ho gaya, rubber de rubber
6.) Teri adao pe main waari waari..
Dial 139 for railway enquiry.
7.) Na jine ki aarzu na marne ka khauf..
The number you are trying is currently
switched off.
8.) Apne gamo ko bas dil me dabalo.
Naya godrej powder hair dye,Bas kaato gholo aur laga lo.
9.) yuh khamosh rehkar tadpogi kabtak....
Cameraman praful ke saath deepak chaurasia AAJ TAK..
10.) mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
mehgai ki iss daur mein karna padta hai apne kharche par kabooo..
ek chutki sindoor ki kimat tum kya jano
Ramesh babu...
11.) mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan...
mein hoon yahan tu hai wahan..
LIFEBUOY hai jahan tandurusti hai
wahan...
12.) Blood donate karne se pehle
hamesha uska group janchna...
Blood donate karne se pehle hamesha uska group janchna...
BASANTI in kuton ke samne mat
nachna....
13.) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole
Nandlala ...
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life
Jhingalala ..!!
14.) Romeo ne juliet se kaha ek sach..
Romeo ne juliet se kaha ek sach..
Asali masale sach sach
MDH.....MDH ...!
15.) 1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
1 ladki ne kiya ladke ko gaal pe kiss
Mutual funds are subjected to market risks
16.) Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer
Puraana ...
Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ..
Didi Tera Devar Deewana ..
17.) Naach bulbul naach, tujhe paisa
milega
hum CID se hai,koi apne jagah se nahi
hilega
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Joke - CEO Choudhary

The new C.E.O. was walking in the factory, he noticed a guy leaning against the wall, looking somewhere..
He approached the man & asked him, "How much do you earn?"
Guy was amazed n said, "3000, sir."
CEO took out wallet n gave the guy 9000 n told him,
"I pay people here 2 work n not 2 waste time..
This is ur 3 month's salary n now get out of here NEVER come back.."

The CEO now looked at other workers & asked,
"Who was that guy?"
Workers replied,
"He was the pizza delivery guy sir..."

MORAL:
Zyada chaudhary bhi nhi banna chahiye.

Thanks@Ishan for sharing this one :)
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Joke - Andha Faqeer.

Wife or husband shop se nikle to ek faqeer ne kaha :..
Shehzaadi !!! 5 Rupay de de......Andha hoon... ....
Husband ne wife ki taraf dekha or bola :
"De de.....Waqai andha hai"

Thanks @ Abhay for sharing this one :)

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Naughty Signboards

📋 Signboard outside Heaven:

"Lying naked with somebody in bed and screaming Oh God...Oh God.... will not be considered as prayers"

📋 Signboard outside a Prayer Hall:

" Please Do Not Leave Your Bags, Wallets, Cell Phones Unattended.. Others Might Think Those Are The Answers To Their Prayers."

📋 Signboard outside a prostitute's house..

" Married MEN are not allowed. We serve the needy, not the greedy.."

📋 SignBoard outside GARAGE:

"If we can't repair your brakes we make your horns louder.."

📋 Signboard outside A Bar:

" Those Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget, Please do Pay In Advance "

📋 Signboard outside Driving School:

" If Your Wife Wants To Learn To Drive, Don't Stand In Her Way....."

📋 Signboard outside Library:

"Statutory Warning... While reading Kamasutra, please hold the book with BOTH Hands.."

;) :) ;)

Thanks@ Aragya for sharing.

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PJ- My Best Friend

English teacher: aaj sabko My best friend par 10 line likhni hai.
Thodi der baad ek student ne uthkar pucha
Madm "Kamine" Ko English Me Kya Khte Hai,.|
:p

Thanks @ Vick for sharing :)

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Gyan - Pyar karna padta hai ya ho jata hai.

Bhakth: Baba pyar karna padta hai ya ho jata hai????

Baba: Beta agar ladki khubsurat ho aur scooty pe ho toh ho jata hai... Agar ladki badsurat ho aur Audi mai ho toh karna padta hai.
=))

Thanks @ Berry for sharing this one :)
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Joke - Chintu - Tinku (#26)

Chintu: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Tinku: Zyada kuch nahi, 2-4 ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.

:)

Thanks@LMFAO for sharing this one :)

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Joke: Mouse in Arab's Hotel room

An Arab couple went 2
London
.
.
1 day in the hotel room,
d husband heard his
wife scream 'Faar
Faar' (it is d arabic word
for Mouse)
.
.
He wanted to inform
Room Service but didnt
know English word for
Faar.
Husband: Hello Room
Service?
.
Room Service: Yes Sir,
how can I help u?
.
Husband : U know Tom
n Jerry?
.
Room Service: Yes Sir, I
know Tom n Jery
.
.
Husband : Walla Habibi,
JERRY is here!

Thanks @anushka for sharing this one :)

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Killer BBM PJ - FB pe setting

Kisiko FB pe Setting karni hai to.......
........
.........
...........
.......
........
......
...... ..
Right side pe Setting ka option hai jitni marzi kar lo... :p

Thanks @ Deeps for sharing this one :)
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Joke - Indian Husband Wife Fighting

Husband wife mein larai hoi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya,

Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khanay mein kia hai"
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Mai dair se aonga, tum kha kar so jana
:D

Thanks @ Sonik for sharing :)

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Joke - Santa calls radio after finding a wallet

Santa ne FM Radio pe phone kiya aur kaha :
.
.
Mujhe Lawrence Road pe ek Purse mila hai jisme 15000 cash, ek Credit Card aur Rahman Malik ke naam ka ID mila hai....
.
.
RJ : Wah... Aap kitne imaandaar hain.... Kya aap unhe wo purse waapis karna chahenge???
.
.
Santa : Nahi... Main chahta hun ki Rahman Malik ke liye ek SAD SONG bajaya jaaye. ;)
:)

Thanks@ Sandy for sharing this one :)

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Joke - Gastric problem

Old Lady to Doctor: Mujhe Gas ki
problem hai
par achhi baat ye hai ki meri gas me
na
BadBu aati hai na Awaaz
.
.
.
Aap k clinic me bhi 20 baar gas chhod
chuki
hu par kisi ko pata nahi chala.
.
Doctor: "Ye Dawa lijiye aur 1 weekbaad
aayiye".
.
.
(1 week baad)
Old Lady:"Aap ne mujhe kya dawa de
di....??
Meri gas me ab bhi aawaz nahi aa
rahi par bahut Zehrili Badbu aa rahi
hai"
.
.
Doctor:"Good..! Aapki Naak theek ho
gayi hai
Ab hum aap k KAAN ka ilaaj
karenge......
;)
:p

Thanks@Sonik for sharing this one :)

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